There are people in this world who should not love, I am one of them. Because I love easy, and break easier.
I was escaping specifically this feeling all this time. Yes, I was in my own bubble, yes I wasnt realistic, but I was happy. Everyone has their own methods, mine is escapism. But its amazing how one sentence can suddenly shatter your dream. Come to think of it, it dosent even form a proper link. But I cant help it, I cant control psychological glitches that go on inside my brain. It takes very little to make me happy. Our friendship made me happy. The freedom to be able to tell u how I feel made me happy. Your understanding made me happy. But one tiny thing and everything changed. In the beginning I was running from you, but after we talked last night I thought I'd be able to be normal again. But I was wrong. I ran again today. Dont blame yourself though, I dont blame you, but neither do I blame myself. I am a very sensitive person and I cant help that. I couldnt face you today, I dont know why. No, I'm not ashamed or embarrassed about how I feel, I dont care if people know. But there was something about the naked words glaring back at me from the monitor. There was something about the way I felt scorned at. I broke. That sentence broke me. But I thought once we'd talked it out it would be okay. But today when I saw you in front of my department I realized that its never going to be the same again. I'll never be able to even look at you properly. Maybe outside but definitely not on campus. Maybe when you're alone but never when you're with somebody. Which is perhaps equal to once in a blue moon! So there, no possessiveness issues anymore, because I'll always keep running, I'll always head in the other direction. It dosent matter that the sentence is there no longer, the effect it had on me remains, the tears still keep pooling in my chest and sometimes even overflow. I hate this feeling! I hate myself! But I cant do anything about it. All I can do is write stupid blogs! I know this is unfair on you, and there might even be a remote possibility that you'll miss our regular interaction, I know I will, and I wish it didnt have to be this way, but I cant help what happened, nor can you. I guess I'll just have to wait for mondays from now on, that too if you turn up. But its ok, I'll survive, I have lots of practice in dealing with pain, its the most common emotion after all!
P.S: I heard you follow my blog(yes this means you), I hope you read this one, should make you really happy! :) He's all yours now, which is ironical because he was always yours anyway!... but you still had a problem, now its done for....
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