Its one of those nights. But then again why to announce that? I never write but when it is 'one of those nights'.
I'm so tired, physically, mentally and whichever way possible. Two exams! When was the last time I wrote two exams back to back? Probably back in Middle School. Then work-out. Then screaming because of the injustice being doled out to us by the honorable area Councillor. Then begging brother to let me use his computer after 12:30 because my Tata Photon isnt working. Then sitting behind brother and silently crying because its been 13 minutes and he pretends as if he cant hear me. Mundane things. Mundane Life. No lifting of depression. No weight loss. No condition of hair getting better. I should go jump off a roof right now. Spare myself. Spare people who know me. But till I gather up that courage I'm going to sit and jabber here.
What does it all mean? Can you trust anyone in the end? Stories you believed in for so long suddenly shatter one day. People who meant so much walk away. Then after a while try being really civil.Confuse you. But then you look at their DeePee and all the rage comes back. Because you realize they didnt just leave you. They stole from you as well.
So what do you do on nights like these? You sit on your brother's computer, write stupid blogs and cry.
I like sunshine and brownies. I want sunshine and brownies. But I cant have them. Forbidden thoughts. Must not be indulged in consciously. But the unconscious fights a losing battle every single night.And in the mornings there is nothing but confusion. What is real? The world I woke up from or the one I just woke into? I can certainly tell you which one I WANT to be real. I'm going to lose it someday. Become incapable of distinguishing between dreams and reality. Like Inception. Or Vanilla Sky?
I should have shouted. All those times I kept quiet. The load lessens that way. But understand this... If I'm crying its not because I'm weak but because the alternative is bashing your head in and I dont want to do that... But someday I probably will. And then your family members or mine for that matter can refer to this blog post and prove my guilt.
For the time being the future holds a test. Global Cultures.