Sometimes... all you need is a little time off... =)

The post that should never have been posted.

There are certain things that you just cant talk about. Some things you cant even write about in your blog. Some things you cant share with anyone else. Secrets, and the pain of these secrets, that must be borne alone. All you CAN do is beat about the bush on your blog hoping that this will provide some degree of relief from the constant feeling of nausea and the almost physical ache.

I had a secret that I didn't even want to repeat to myself, an epiphany which I should have never had, and the moment this realization struck me, I wrapped this information up in bubble wrap and stuffed it down deep within myself, so that nothing would harm it, but the constant screams echoing from it wouldn't reach my ears either. But today, when I was blackmailed into digging it out, unwrapping it and handing it over to the one person who should have never known, I figured it has actually been eating me away from the inside. I have hole in the pit of my stomach now... or at least that's what it feels like.

I tried... I tried to not think of it anymore, to wrap it back up and stuff it down that hole again. But my insides feel extremely scrambled right now, like someone took a wire hanger and made great sweeping motions with it, and now there is a storm raging within me, which wont subside that easily. I even tried exhausting myself so much that I'd not be able to listen to the howling inside, but that too didn't work.

So after dancing to like 5 songs and rehearsing 'shyamolo shundoro' for quite a long time, I finally decided to let some of it out, but the ironical part is, all this while I was pushing the tears back in, but now when I wanted to cry they wouldn't come. Happens with me all the time. Hence I am left utterly physically exhausted, to the point where I feel sick, and emitting weird animal noises.

Ideally this blog should never have been written, and come to think of it, it didn't help as much as I thought it would, but I didn't know what else to do. I'd love to rant to someone, cry to someone... but I cant. Not this time at least. Hence...

I messed up today... I should never have told you, but you blackmailed me very badly... even you would agree to that. But hey... I fulfilled your wish didn't I? =D
You very openly wanted this to happen. I am really tempted to quote what you always say! Heehee...

Well... enough of beating about the bush... I shall go vomit now... extremely nauseous... excuse me.

P.S. I will not entertain any questions on this matter. Go back and read first paragraph if you have a question.

And that was the second time I cried at a coffee shop in front of you! Crap man!