Why?

So up until a few days ago I could still confidently say,"Nothing affects me anymore", but unfortunately I found something that does, and pretty badly at that too. If I look at the situation logically then I know precisely what to do, but the problem being that the heart is not a rational thing. I swear to God when someone coined the word 'tragedy', they must have thought of me! It never ends, the streams of mishaps! I mean fine! it might be 'character building' stuff! but there's a limit! I'm bloody only 19 years of age, and I feel like I've already had a lifetime's worth of things to deal with! Even things that initially keep you happy somehow or the other twist itself in a manner that in the end it becomes a source of pain. I'm sick and tires of feeling like I'm being stabbed with a pin constantly! I never asked too much of you, did I? Didnt we agree that we'd be normal? Didnt u say a string of things that night? Were they just words? can you make me feel good only over the phone? I dont say return my feelings, but at least be normal with me! I miss you, miss what we use to have. The wordplay, the informative conversations, the feeling of warmth whenever you were around. When did it end? and why did it have to end? The five minutes every Tuesday that used to be packed with conversation is suddenly filled with awkward silences and cold behavior. The warmth in your eyes, our friendship, its all gone, and yet you ask me why I'm pissed with you. I wish you'd understand that I'm not pissed, I just miss your company... miss your affection... miss the brainstorming. I know you asked me to tell you whenever the pain gets too much to handle, but how do I say something so big to a person with whom even small talks are hard to come by these days? You're the same towards everyone else, its only me who gets the aloof treatment. And I like a fool yearn to see you when you're not around, and end up crying the entire night when I do come across you. Tell me what to do? tell me how to kill my feelings? When I came across you after four years of what used to be, I was happy for I thought I'd finally found a man who understood, if not reciprocated. But I dont know why, it seems like the understanding lasted only that one night, or rather it lasts only over the phone, you have your way with words and you end up convincing me that things will be different now, but then when I come across you, its just the same....