Saturday, December 22, 2012

I am jealous... or hurt. I cant decide which... or maybe both? I tell myself I shouldnt be... that I should accept it the way it is. And over the last few years I have achieved tremendous amount of self control. But... it still hurts.

I cant talk about this anymore. I made certain decisions. I am responsible for them. People warned me. If I chose not to listen then I have no right to complain. Hence... I write vague blogs. Because I cant be too specific either.

I know I was different. I know I am still different. At a point I could easily reassure myself that this is a good thing. Now... I still can... but I dont know if I should any longer.

I know I shouldnt let all this affect me anymore. I shouldnt ask questions. But... pinpricks of pain... in my heart... that is starved.

I wish...

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