Its 4:36 am in the morning, I have to be out of bed by 8:30 and in the University by 11. Now if you were in my shoes wouldn't you have been in bed already for like... 4 hours? But what do I do? I sit here writing blogs. I'm not even sure of what I'm writing right now really. There's no coherence in my head. I fight really hard to keep some things under a lid, but at times they escape, and the timing is always perfect! I feel angry right now! Angry for having indulged in intense conversations and dwelt on things I should have been ignoring! I mean honestly! is this the time? I'm going to be late tomorrow morning, because I will miss my alarm, then I will suffer from anxiety because I'm late and finally totter into class drunk from lack of sleep! Such a pretty picture! I should just kill myself!
I'd like to make something clear. I hate the milk producing mammal and I hate the hairy ape she dated! I dont care if my hatred is based on someone else's lies, all I know is it is too potent and I cant even begin reasoning with myself when it comes to this. Emotions arent things that go out of your system like potty, and hate is a very powerful emotion. Maybe I'm incredibly stupid because I dont believe in theories like realize what actually happened and move on and be indifferent to all of it, but its who I am. As an individual I have certain ways and methods and defense mechanisms of dealing with things.
Strength isnt always in fighting back. It requires an enormous amount of strength to keep everything inside as well. And as evil and stupid some people are, no one escapes karma. You build relationships on someone else's tears, those relationships break. You manipulate someone because you know they love you, you end up deprived of love as well.
Go ahead and live in an imaginary world where I wronged you and you were just unfortunate to come across someone who turned out just like the rest and betrayed you too. But surely even you must have some part of yourself telling you that it knows the truth!
Just to be sure no one is in any doubt anymore... I repeat... The girl I used to know died a long time ago... the monster that took its place I heartily despise!
Good Night!
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