Insomnia and Anxiety

The same meaningless fear every night
dreading the end of something that had never begun
the clock ticks away
and I shut my eyes
put fingers in my ears
to not see or hear its passage.

I build a glass palace
knowing well it will shatter
or has it shattered already?

I can hear voices inside my head
facts that have turned into monsters
from neglect
from suppression
they squeeze my innards
climb the walls of my inside
threatening to come gushing out of my mouth
eyes
ears
every pore of my body
and tear me to pieces

The imperfect outer shell
nests a demented mind
and a cracked heart
that yearns for pain
and love

Its you
and its me too
and yet I'm hoping
that two halves will somehow
make a whole.

My lifelines....

I was reading the second book of The House of Night series today, its called Betrayed. A few minutes ago I read the part where the protagonist, Zoey's best friend Stevie Ray Johnson dies in her arms.

I still cant stop crying... and even a cup of very strong black coffee cant calm me down right now.

Aphrodite, Minu, Rudrani.... I'd die if anything ever happened to any of you.

I'll live with the walls, the fights, the distance... as long as all three of you are fine.

Love you.