Multiple Personality Disorder

Its like the last 2 or 3 days I didn't exist. Dipabali didn't exist. I felt like I was having an out of body experience, I could actually see myself from a distant view, like I was looking in on someone Else's life.

I lost my head, went bonkers, did things Dipabali would never do. But then last night I had this epiphanic moment when I realized this isn't me. I don't give up, I don't not acknowledge people just because we're having a rough patch, I don't lose hope, I don't vent my anger, I don't try alternate ways of dealing with pain, I don't think negative. I'm the kind who believes that faith can move mountains, love can wash away hate, people DO come back. I'm the kind who finds a positive aspect in every negative situation. I'm the kind who waits but never loses hope.

So today morning I went back to being me. I faced the mess of my life instead of running away from it. I smiled without the expectation that I would get one back. I looked with love despite the facade of hate that stared back at me. I made conversation, even if I received monosyllabic replies most of the time.

What I realized over the last 2 days is that rebelling against the way I'm made is probably the worst thing I can do to myself. I maybe soft, vulnerable, petrified and emotionally driven, but somewhere deep down I like myself for those qualities. I dont want to be a person who dosent care, who would go to any heights to ease the pain, who would lose all hope, who would fill her insides up with so much bitterness that she'd forget how to love. And I was doing exactly that till yesterday.

Yes I love easy, yes I dig pits for myself, yes I get irrationally attached to certain people, yes I sometimes invite pain. But would you like me if I was any different? I know I wouldn't.

I love myself, with all my flaws. And I know I'll take a little time to forgive myself for the debacle of the last 2 days, but I eventually will. And all those people whom I hold dear( you know who you are! dont make me take names!), I hope you do too.

Yes, It's good to be back. =D